Las Vegas Nightclub Parties

The Starter Problem

Every American-style topless pool—the ones we really like—needs a starter, the first girl to take off her top.

Every American-style topless pool—the ones we really like—needs a starter, the first girl to take off her top. Once one girl starts showing her titties, the other girls look at her and say, “Hey, my tits are at least as good as hers,” and tops start flying off left and right.

Fact is, most American girls have terrible body images. It doesn’t matter how gorgeous their bodies are (to us guys), they feel inferior. They think their breasts are too small, or one hangs lower than the other, or the nipples aren’t centered right. Talk to any American girl sometime about her boobs and you’ll see what I mean. These girls all grew up playing with Barbie dolls. How do you compete with that? Once they see other topless girls, however, they suddenly realize that the competition isn’t all that great. Then they see how all the guys are now looking at the topless babe and they can’t wait to get their titties in the sunshine.

If you want to time your pool visit for maximum potential topless fun, plan to arrive at around 3:30 in the afternoon. By that time, many women have been at the pool since noon, knocking down piña coladas and margaritas and mojitos and basically getting pretty damn juiced up. All it takes now is a starter to get the titty action going. The play here is to just keep buying drinks for the girls in bikinis. Think of it as an investment in your immediate future.

Some of the best topless pools are the ones where the strippers go—I identify these in my reviews. Strippers, of course, don’t have the same kinds of jitters about not having Barbie-perfect tits as other girls. Even the ones who’ve had boob jobs look at their tits and see less-than-perfect Barbieness. But they also see other women’s breasts enough to know that no girls’ tits are perfect and that guys go nuts for them anyway. So stripper pools always have a starter as soon as the strippers show up.

The basic problem at most American-style pools, however, is that, with the exception of the awesome Sapphire Pool and Day Club, sometimes the strippers don’t show up. So unless you bring your wife or girlfriend—and she’s the kind of woman you can be sure will get her nipples out into the sun before the afternoon ends—you never know for sure if a starter will get the action going. You could be at an American-style topless pool all afternoon and see nary a nipple. You’ll see lots of babes in bikinis, sure, but all those entertaining nipples could be wasted.

Moorea Beach Model2So, unfortunately, despite industry standards, we can’t use the Adjusted Nipple Entertainment Index with full confidence. You have to realize that the ANEI, at best, can only indicate the potential for nipple entertainment. It’s up to you guys to keep the girls drinking and doing whatever you have to do to encourage one starter to make the afternoon worth the outrageous fee you paid to get in.

Also note that a number of the topless pools have specific days of the week when locals get in free. These pools don’t post signs that say, “Nevada Residents Free Today.” You either know this in advance, or you ask at the entrance, or you pay like everyone else. Again, one thing to remember if you live in this town and go anywhere with an admission charge—strip clubs, nightclubs, casino shows, pools—is to ask if there’s a better rate for local residents. In Vegas, we take care of our own and let the tourists pay top dollar.

Note: Most topless pools are seasonal and close in late September or early October until the following spring. The pools at Golden Nugget, Encore, and Wynn are year-round.

One final note: Most topless pools, because they’re “adults only” and have full bars, have an age requirement of 21 or older.